work work work

At Uni, we are going to apply for research funding so today I worked on two research proposals, which both potentially will grant me a full time research position if one or the other project gets funded. At the same time it s like creating my own job, because I am deciding on what I want to do in the next three years. Feels like I am the king of the game hahaha. But my brain is so tired, it is so much responsibility to propose, develop ideas and plan a research study over three years. And I never know if the experts will think that it is good, so lets give him the funding, make him happy etc. Also many people are competing to get these funds, and when I feel like i am in a competition I tend to loose my motivation rather than compete, so I try not to think that I am in a competition.

Last night I went to a little talk/debate on gay marriage. I listened to the speakers and they said reasonable things, but there was nothing to discuss about. We want gay marriage, and we also emphasize that it is our freedom to choose to get married or not, and everyone in the room agrees more or less on the same ideas. Well of course there no discussion here. Why not invite some people from the church, some married heterosexual couples who loved or who hated Brokeback mountain, etc. to create some discussion so that both sides may understand each others standpoints. It felt like an internal thingy, where you cycle around on the same ideas, and noone is able to stand up and say...what if the gay divorces will keep the courts too busy and cost a lot of money to the government in the future or something silly like that. Or maybe some religious person can also try to tell his ideas about gay marriage and all the queer community may listen (at least for a while). My question is why people with different views cannot exist in the same room. Gotta go and sleep now...