The need for attention

Last night at the Columbian, I was attracted to a conversation with a german guy, who was quite engaging, edgy and camp. He s been in Sydney for only 4 weeks, and working as an architect. Although I was not pshysically attracted to him, I kept on talking to him, trying not to be flirtatious, but friendly - which is is a difficult balance to keep. I did not want to make the assumption that he wants to sleep with me either. He was quite intrigued by the observation that Ozzies say to each other "how r yu" all the time, and he did not understand why. He said that a German says "how are you" only if he s really interested in someone, and geniunely wants to know about that person. A thought at that moment passed my mind, so "he must be interested in me, since he s been talking only with me for the last half an hour. He seems to be fun to hang out with, so I thought why not spend the rest of the night together going from one pub to another. He agreed and said "lets get pissed" and we started drinking whisky/vodka on the rocks...We went to Phoenix, took our shirts off (it took him another three drinks to decide to take his off). At one stage he approached and kissed me. I was not expecting that and I didnt know how to react. I said "I cant do it" - what an silly thing to say. He felt rejected, I felt guilty.
That was really an awkward situation. I went to the bar and grabbed two beers, looked for him, couldnt see him. I thought he must have left, not being able to deal with the rejection - this thought was relieving. I thought I could offer this extra beer to the guy with the beatiful body who had been dancing next to me, before the architect kissed me. I took the bottle, then the architect appeared, with a nice smile on his face. He s such a nice guy, and I had so much trouble all night about how to say no to him. We sat together and drank the beer. I was looking at the guy with the gorgeous body, he s already taken by another gorgeous body. Yeah this must be the end of the night. The architect was still next to me, and I was quite drunk. We left the club, and walked towards the bus stop on Oxford street. I did not wanna leave him, di dnot want to sleep alone. I suggested that we can sleep together if he likes - no sex, just cuddly sleep. He agreed, and I said "lets go to your place" because he said he s got a king size bed. On our way to Elizabeth way, he gave me a history of ex-boyfriends, emphasizing that he only dated with intellectuals and artists (and I was thinking whatever, many artists are wankers anyway). He said the BF's all ended up being loosers and in a weird way he was always attracted to potential loosers. I said "yu re giving me the msg that I might be a looser, cuase yu re attracted to me", what a silly deduction by the way--but I was drunk and it was 4am. He was angry at me, he said he was confused cause he didnt understand what I really wanted "sleep together but not kiss, not have sex? what was all that about-giving mixed messages". So he said he had enough, he was exhausted and he walked away.

I felt terrible. I know I gave mixed messages-and this was not the first time. And I am quite hopeless about saying NO to the guys who flatter me with tones of attention. I have a pattern: ending up the night with the guys I do not really desire. Waste of his time and my time, not fair to anyone. What could have I done? Tell him from the start: "I am not sure if yu re flirting with me , but I'd like to hang out with you tonight, and look at and flirt with other men". I think this is being open/clear about how I feel, but it s difficult to do when I am getting all that guy's attention. The need for attention is an addiction, and it is hard to realize/accept this addiction. It hurts me and the other person each time I get involved with satisfying my needs of attention. But I do not know yet "How to Quit" this.