seek what you are seeking for in yourself

My astrology says" "All you need is love, and a little sense of humour" and that they re the two things at my disposal for having success in life. I ve been feeling I need love, but I am so guarded to even be close to someone. Most of the times I think and analyse too much. Other times I do not at all. I loose myself, my thoughts for getting the attention I want. It is like not eating carbs for three months and then finding yourself in a situation where you cant really stop yourself eating them.

I drop my guard if I let someone in (both emotionally and physically), then I start to open up and be available for loving and being loved in return. I havent let anyone in for a long time, I think it s been 8 moths. I am starting to feel like I am breaking down a bit, I mean I dont feel as strong, focused and as independent-self-sufficient as I ve been. I am questioning my job, questioning my relationships with friends, colleagues, questioning my value/confidence, questioning whether I am the person I think I am, questioning how I present myself, questioning why I talk about myself too much, questioning whether I have too much ego, whether I am intelligent, or whether I have been taking the easy paths/tasks, less rewarding ones, whether I have the right choices for myself, whether I judge a lot, whether I like myself or whether I may love someone?

I stop and read what I have written above, then I kinda like it, and then I question whether I write this for myself or for someone to read? Why do I have all these concerns? Can I just relax for a moment? take a break? I sometimes feel like I am trapped in myself. One of my girlfriends used to say that she is a gay man trapped in a woman's body, I think I may be understanding her now. There is something which is quite not right for some of us. About the way we present ourselves, and the way we really are. I am concerned about this lately, and maybe the root of the problem is in there.
Myabe the solution is simple, it s all about the "self" as, Mevlana Celaleddin Rumi says
"There is another soul in your soul, seek out for it.

There is a treasury in the Mount Body, seek out for that treasury.

O mystic who goes on ! If you are really capable then seek.

Not outside , but seek what you are seeking for in yourself."