Nothing becomes quiet. Yesterday and this morning I was feeling awesome and now I question everything again. The Turk says he is in love with me. Sex has been amazing by the way. We talked about being officially boyfriends. And I am fine to call it whatever it is, but the more important thing is to trust that he is committed. When he is with me I do not usually question his behavior, and later on, I realize certain things that were not quite right. On Saturday at NSSG's picnic he met most of my gay friends, but I thought he was not making enough effort to participate in the groups of boys. He sat there partly reading his sms es and talking on the phone, when I was socializing. Then the next thing was showing me affection in public, again in front of my friends. It s funny I always criticised people who did that-I still think it is unneccarry to show a lot of affection/ kiss and cuddle in such a social event with friends. I had a couple of beers and I did not think about it at the time, but then I thought he and I was over doing it. Exeggerated public display of affection is a sign of insecurity, insecurity about a relationship.
The other thing is I want him to move in to a flat close to me (whch we saw on sat), rather than being 2 hours away from me and living with his girl-friend. He cannot make up his mind, money, job, hesitations etc. but I know he can manage all those things if he really wants to. I again question whether he really wants to be my BF, or it s just a display of the idea of loving me. it s hard to know...especially at this stage.
I build up expectations so quickly because I am a full time dreamer. I want to be in love because I am a desperate romantic. I have my own way of thinking and my way of how things should be and I am quite stubborn about them. These combinations do not make an intense emotional involvement any easier. The Turk says he loves me but I am impatient to see the evidence for that. I hear it but I do not see it and my logic and analytical side tells me that it s not there. What is the evidence for love? how do I know he loves me?
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5 comments:
y'know, he sounds pretty keen. great sex, checking out the idea of calling yourselves bf's, coming with you to nssg's picnic and the public affection. I know you said he didn't interact with others at the picnic and spend time with his sms, but then i'd have been pretty nervous accompanying a new bf to an event with some of sydney's bloggeratti. maybe he's offering all of these smaller risks to see how it goes first? the flat does seem like a good idea and big ask ... try to take it easy and allow yourself to go with the flow ;)
He's showing you affection in public, talking about becoming b/f's and telling you he came back to be with you.
I'm a little lost as to where you think he doesn't like/love you! Have I missed something?
might it be also that you're over-analysing his actions?
if you're wondering about certain things that are happening in your relationship, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that he is most probably also doing the same thing.
i agree with lee, try to take it easy and enjoy it for what it is. the experience and the journey.
and if there's something bugging you, maybe actually talk about it?
glad to hear you're getting some loving.
xx
Sydney Bloggers Meet up! Sunday 18 February from 6 pm at Hotel, Woolloomooloo
If you blog, come along!!
You might not wanna hear this, but speaking from experience with a Turk guy, I have to tell you.....
They are different....yes the sex is GREAT! :) But they don't get the idea of gay relationships at all. Deep down, he KNOWS he will get married to a woman... it's a Turk thing...
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