Relaxing and turning inside

I have been trying to stop my thoughts whenever they become negative and judgemental towards me. I watched 5 hours of Down the Rabbit Hole (what the bleep do we know- extended version) on thursday and friday. Did not do any work just watched the DVD s cooked and fed myself, had naps in between to understand and digest what scientist are talking about throughout the documentary. It s a lot of work but it is rewarding. Thursday afternoon I went down to the beach to watch the sunset, and I felt really positive and happy. When I work on my thoughts and spend time with myself I feel very relaxed, comfortable and affectionate to other people. The lesson is I need a lot of rest as well as down time for my mind. However I felt guilty on and off during the two days about not working. Friday I finished watching these dvd s and worked on my painting in progress. I ve started painting this canvas months ago and I tried to finish it in one day...it did not work, could not finish it, I got bored and then filled in the canvas with huge white brush strokes, so it looked like there was a storm. I hung it on the wall, and have been looking at it since then thinking about changing it. So on friday I took out my paints/brushes and started painting. I got bored and tired again in two hours. This time I did not try to finish it. I hung it on the wall as it is. I look at it since then and it makes me think that I should paint more and make the other half of the canvas matching with the part I worked on.

Friday night, I went to Monty's dinner party. We had Champagne with hibiscus flower that was lovely. The food was delicious, and after I finish my meal I found myself eating white Italian bread with melted cheese on top. I always avoid bread at dinners but this time I could not stop myself, it was so good. Then I felt sick for a while because my tummy is not used to digesting it. After a while chocolate Mousse came with berries and cream on top. I had so many drinks at that point I did not even think about whether I should eat it or not. Orgasmic chocolate mousse!! glasses of Riesling, and nice chat and lots of laugh. I felt very relaxed all night. At some stage we were showing each other some stretching exercises, Dan was showing how he can turn his palm 360 degrees, and how far he can reach his toes sitting upright position etc. We must be so loud at one stage (it was midnight) the next door neighbour came and told Monty to close the window... obviously it was time to leave.
I walked to the station with Matt and we talked about relationships, intimacy, partners etc. Recently I ve been feeling very comfortable with Matt and I open up and talk about my emotions with him. It is nice that I have this with comfort zone with someone, since NSSG has left.

Saturday I was not happy with myself in the morning, basically because of the hangover. It took me a while to settle my thoughts and turn them around to feel good - it has been a lot of work for me lately. In the afternoon I went to shopping and did not buy anything. But I have tried on lots of cool stuff. I watched my body in the mirror in the changing rooms, it looks fine, I think I am happier than ever when I look at my body recently. That s why I need to but some new, colorful and sexy stuff. I can more confidently wear tight tshirts, tank tops or deep V-neck styles (which are fashionable lately). I spotted a couple of cool stuff but each t-shirt was around 80-100 dolars, and I thought that is too much to spend now. Because I am buying a car, a brand new one, and I am going be paying for it in the next 5 years. How funny I never thought I would get a loan, it s so not me. However I am settling with this idea now and soon I will be driving a silver Golf- Wow. I like it.

Saturday night I was invited to a friend's place we watched Barbara Streisand concert on a huge screen TV and then got so passionate about Barbara and watched Yentl. Shame I never watched it before, it was amazing!
This morning I woke up did a lot of cleaning, went to my Yoga class, stretched and sweated like pig, came home cooked healthy food, ate it while I watched 10 tenors on TV, and then other programs on ABC, and then falling asleep on the couch, and then eating again and chatting on the phone. It has been raining all day, so I am really happy staying home catching up with laziness. I love it.
I am seeing Volver tonight the new Almadovar movie, excited about it.