Road trip and mourning

I went on a road trip on my own. Driving in my beatiful Golf, choosing my music,stopping wherever I want, either to take a photo or to have a cup of coffee...that s freedom and I love it.

I also planned to camp - bought a tent, a sleeping bag, mat, and even a lantern. First day it rained all afternoon - and I got tired of driving and not being able to enjoy the outdoors, I booked myself a last-minute luxury resort for a very good price. My room was opening to an amazing view of a little pond and lush green. I watched the rain on my couch for hours, fell asleep, watched the ducks and the pond, fell asleep again, and then had a bath, and watched the view again. Was really good time with myself. In the morning I did a yoga session by the pond, had my buffet breakfast and i felt so ready and energized for my next day. All day I was hiking, seeing National Parks, Fitzroy Falls, Kangaroo Valley - all the tourist drives were awesome, absolutely stunning. Then I got to a camping site in Kangaroo Valley and the lady at the reception told me that there s a storm coming and if I had bever camped before, she would not reccomend a wet camping experience. I called my Uni friend who has a summer house in Nowra, and luckily he was there building a deck, he said I could stay with him, so I drove down there in half an hour via the winding road from Kangaroo Valley - God what a drive, one of the most exciting drives of my life - I definetely want to do it again!

I stayed with my friend that night and the storm did not come. Although in the morning it started raining again. I decided to go back home. My camping experience ends here :) Now I m in bondi, getting ready to watch two DVD s. Science of sleep and Knocked out.

In the last two days I realized how sad I am in general. When I m lonely and on my own I m overwhelmed by this sad feeling. I m almost mourning for something I missed or lost. First I thought it was JP - I still miss him when I think about the very short time we spent together - I do not exactly know what JP represents for me but I still miss that feeling. I mourn for my loneliness, for not being able to set up a family, for missing out having a child, set up a house, getting married, falling in love like a teenager and having naive expectations from life. I am still mourning.