Conversations (1) about liking a guy, dating, and casual sex

Here s a conversation between a me and a friend of mine:

TT: Why do the hot ones tend to have attitude and no personality? Too much to ask for brains and a nice body?

You've reminded me that Turkiye played an important part in my coming out. I was in the process of coming out to myself in 1992. During my trip to Turkey that year, sitting on a beach on the Turquoise Coast, I thought 'being gay is not so bad. That's who I am!" I think all of the sensuality and aliveness of Turkey helped. And seeing so many good looking men! (As NSSG can tell you, I go for tall, dark and handsome.) Turkey was heaven on the eyes! Too bad I didn't meet anyone on that trip!

Me: you re very specific about what your men should look like, however life has many surprises, and a compatible, loving person may come to you in a different shape or size, that you never imagined before. I would say: give up your ideals and maybe start thinking about sensuality and liveliness. I know it s hard to find those in Sydney but it s worth chasing.

TT:Good advice. A person's soul is far more important to me. Having said that, the serious relationships I have had with spiritual, intellectual, caring men just all happened to have a Latino/Mediterranean look. I fall in love with a person, not a look, but it's important to know what turns you on. I've never really been into casual dating, which I'm trying to overcome. But not too many changes at once :) Have a good day.

Me:Casual dating? I m terrible with that. Although the word itself is casual it doesnt feel casual at all, If m going on a date i d have expectations, and that ruins it int he first palce. I d rather not date! it makes me nervous....

TT:I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who struggles with casual dating. I tend to be an all or nothing kind of guy. I've had only two serious relationships. There was an instant connection and no doubts that we were going out. I tend to shut down if someone expresses interest in me but I'm not completely wowed. Trying to change that. But it's all very grey, as maybe some people you need to develop a friendship first before falling in love. Well, thank goodness we have NSSG as our dating advisor. He claims dating is like trying on different clothes. Good luck to both of us!

Me: Well I like the idea that dating is like trying on new clothes, however I am also a strong believer that instant connection works (at least for me). I agree there should be no doubts that two guys like each other; otherwise things start to fall apart soon.
I prefer to have sex as quickly as possible If I am attracted to someone, and when it is delayed I loose my trust that the relationship is going to work or that the guy likes me. Obviously having sex is so important for us to validate the intimacy level of a realtionship. Then how do you become friends before falling in love? I would have already lost my trust that it is going to be a love relationship if the guy becomes my friend.

TT: For me, if I really like someone, I'd rather wait to have sex, even if it's only a couple of dates. I'm a hopeless romantic and I guess I don't want to rush into all of the emotions that come with sex. Take a little while to get to know them first. But of course there are the hook-ups which I suppose could develop into something more. Then again, I've only had two serious relationships, and all of the other casual sex has been on business trips, saunas. beats, so there was never any potential for a relationship. You've given me something to think about.

That s all for now