Dietrich

I met two hot guys in Dietrich, in Barcelona. Carlos is the spanish one, younger (must be 25 or smthing) camp and sexy, very spanish looking, has lots of energy, chatty, and is a very beatiful man. Gilbert, his partner, is from Luxembourg (German looks), age 38, good looking and more of a butch type, very nice to talk to and very sexy too. I asked about their life, where they work, where they live, whether they go to gym, cook at home etc. They re too lazy to go to gym but still have toned bodies/ no hair (some people are lucky), they live by the beach, Carlos is a nurse, Gilbert is a researcher (blink blink). I connected with these guys very quickly and enjoyed their company a lot, I think they did the same. After Dietrich, they wanted to take me to a more authentic Spanish bar, where 80 year old people sing mouling rouge songs???, when we got there we ve seen that the bar was closed. Then we kept on walking in the narrow streets of the gothic part of the city, dodgy streets, all look like a labryinth, 3am in the morning, I would be so scared if I was not with locals. They were telling me this joke, where some locals become friends to tourists, take them to the back streets and leave them in the middle, then the gangs come and kill them. Ha ha ha, it s a german joke. I must confess, I became paranoid all of a sudden, but no no no, these guys were really sweet. We kept on looking for a bar, which was supposed to be very good, as Carlos took the information from the bartender in Dietrich. Well apperantly that bar was closed too and the bartender is a dickhead. We decided to go to Martinz (the club where everyone goes after dietrich). We were too far from the gay district so looked for a cab for 20 minutes, finally got one (it s such a hassle to find a cab in Barcelona around early morning). We are at Martinz, the guys paid for my entrance, we sobered up a bit so directly went to the bar and ordered vodka redbulls. In Barcelona they give half a glass of vodka with lots of ice, and give the redbull with the galss, and it s not much expensive than buying a beer. People drink spirits, rather than beer, because there are no centiliter limits, and you get your money's worth (and a hang over). That was my 4th vodka redbull for the night, so I was feeling quite relaxed. We started dancing. My God, Carlos was so sexy, he dances with a Spanish character, gives a big smile, shortly all guys surrounded us, some older men became very friendly, and Gilbert was kind of balancing the situations. This Martinz club was like the Phoenix in Sydney, underground with a Bear-like crowd. Soon everyone on the dance floor took their shirts off, so we did too. All night I was thinking about having a threesome with this couple, but I was not sure how to approach them. I was putting my hands around Carlos but he was implicitly getting away from me, saying friendly things etc. I met some other guys, danced with them, but no my mind was still with the couple, this couple was the cutest in the whole club, and I was so attracted to their energy. Starting from our conversations in Dietrich, I found both of these men very different and very sexy. Carlos was the more childish-energetic type, Gilbert was the mature-masculine type, nice picture of a good balance. I learned they ve been together for 6 years, and still they were having a lot of fun together, that was something I really admired.

My energy levels were going down, it must be 5 or 6 in the morning, I ended up not picking up anyone. Carlos and Gilbert dissapeared for a while and they came back saying that we re going to somewhere else. Another guy joined us (one of their friends). We went out started looking for a cab again. They said we re going to a sex club, but that it was not a sex club, and that people dance there looking at the porn movies on TV. I was too drunk to make a decision, I said fine. After half an hour of walking and chatting, we managed to find a cab. We got to this place with a big steel door, Gilbert knocked the door, someone opened it. 15 EU to get in, they paid for my entrance fee again (I was already broke buying the drinks). A long bar with a lounge at the end, porn on TV, not very crowded, group of amazing looking guys chatting to each other, all beatiful bodies (without t-shirts). They were actually like porn stars. I asked Gilbert whether these guys are rent boys, he said no no, they are like us visiting this club. We took off our shirts, ordered the other round of vodka-redbulls. I was feeling really tired and still drinking, but was not questioning what I was doing there either. We walked to the back of the club, there were toilets and dark rooms. Carlos took me downstairs, where it was really really dark, I was not seeing much except for guys with white belts. All good looking bodies. Some doors and corners, sound of sex, smell of sex. I was totally frozen- this usually happens to me when I go to sex clubs, expcially to the ones where sex is so mechanical and meaningless - like the dark room concept: not really being able to see the person, do some basic things move on to the next one. I lost Carlos, then I saw Gilbert around, he went into a room where there were two other guys and locked the door. 10 minutes after, Carlos came around he knocked the door, the door was opened, he got in, door locked again. Ah what s going on?? I thought these guys were loyal to each other. Maybe they are loyal but my concept of loyalty does not include having sex/fun with other people - and in a sex club like this. Was that the time I could have had sex with this couple? well I was not feeling all comfortable in such a setting, then I realized, it did not matter to these guys, they were having fun, and they wanted me to have fun too, that s why we hanged out together all night. Why was I becoming all so sensitive and romantic? I leaned back to the wall, guys entering into rooms, going out and entering other rooms, I was watching this weird circulation, did not see what was happening behind the doors- it was too dark anyway. Both Gilbert and Carlos was in that rooms for a long time, and I started asking myself what the hell I was doing there? Some sexy gusy were around me, maybe all I had to do was touch to one of them, and take one to the room, I could not do it- as I said I was frozen. I did not feel horny at all, looking at the porns did not do anything either. I went upstairs, started watching more porn, thinking that it might tirgger something. I was at a sex club, so I d better do something, when I go to a coffee shop I order coffee, so when I go to a sex club I am expected to have sex? who expects me to have sex? me? Carlos? Gilbert? I fell asleep watching the porns upstairs, so I thought It must be time to go. The guys did not turn up although I waited to see them again. I left the place, the steel door closed behind me, there was an old man 10 meter a head, walking his dog, he looked at me in weird way, maybe he has been wondering what was behind that door for a while, dont worry Mr you dont wanna know. I got on a cab, it was 7.37am. the taxi driver was chatty, but I was not. Went to my studio and had a 6 hour sleep. I woke up thinking I might feel the regret of not taking advantage of the situations- as I usually do. Recently I am dealing better with the feeling of regret , I told myself that I was not expecting from myself to have sex in a sex club, I went there without thinking and ended up feeling numb. Numbness creates regret- because numbness is the causeof the lost opportunities. I go numb at sex clubs, that is a given fact -I experienced that before. Trying to calm myself down, another part in my brain asks qustions: why did you not get in the room with Carlos and Gilbert??, why did you not get in a room with another sexy looking one?? I dont know the answers. I started thinking agian : My perception/conception of sex is so different than Gilbert and Carlos and the others. Do I need to change it or stop regretting about it?

The concept of my ideal gay couple is shattered once more. Maybe the couples do not continue to have fun after 6 years, unless they create such "fun" activities for them. For me sex is intimate, and it means more than what people do in dark rooms. If I was Carlos I would have felt awful because my partner needs to have anonymous sex in dark room. Maybe my concept of an ideal gay couple does not exist, maybe this concept of a straight couple does not exist either. Dont know.